Gospel music to focus on non-existence of God

MODERN gospel music is increasingly about the non-existence of a supreme being, it has emerged.

'I can finally write a song about having sex in a field'

As new research showed religion will soon be the preserve of one scary family who live in a remote wooden house filled with grandfather clocks, gospel artists have given up on God and are instead drawing their inspiration from real things.

Gospel legend Reverend Tom Logan, singer of This Ole Church Would Make A Pretty Good Gym Or Something, said: “We’d been lifting our joyful voices in praise of the Almighty for near two decades now, yet it didn’t seem to have made a blind bit of difference.

“The church roof still leaked, my arthritis hadn’t improved and there were a load of wars.

“What with the seemingly indifferent nature of the universe, I decided it was unlikely that everything was created and overseen by a benevolent omnipotent being who loves us all and also really likes my singing.

“That was the day I wrote The World Is Just A Lot Of Things Happening For No Reason and Lord You Are No Longer Relevant In This Modern Age. I’ve never looked back.”

He added: “My congregation found them to be just as catchy as my Christian stuff.

“And if there is a God, His response has been exactly the same as to all my praise-based work – complete indifference.”

Loretta Hollis is a founder member of stalwart gospel act The Joyful Four whose most recent single is entitled Sorry God But Evolution Seems Increasingly Plausible.

It features the lyrics ‘When you look at monkeys in the zoo, they are very much like little men. Our shared genetic heritage is easy to see, amen’.

She said: “Given the shift in subject matter we’re really trying to cut back on the use of the word ‘amen’.

“But we do like it a lot and it certainly has more ‘oomph’ than ‘speaking objectively’.”