GUY Ritchie is to write and direct the worst Sherlock Holmes film in the history of cinema, Warner Bros confirmed last night.
The Lock, Stock director has lined up Goodfellas tough guy Ray Liotta to play the Victorian sleuth, while Dr Watson will be played by 'Outkast' frontman Andre 3000.
Bill McKay, of film bible Gaffer, said Ritchie’s film would be even worse than Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking, which starred Rupert Everett and was described by one critic as an 'affront to western civilisation'.
McKay said: "Everett was even worse than Roger Moore in Sherlock Holmes in New York, and that made people set fire to hospitals.
"But if anyone can top that it’s Liotta. He’s only delivered two decent performances in his life – one of them was 20 years ago and there was that advert for Heineken.
"Plus he’s got a Guy Ritchie script to work with, which is 18-carat gold if you want to make a piece-of-shit film."
He added: "Apparently it will be based on a new comic book, not one of the original stories. He’s calling it a 're-imagining' which bodes incredibly well.
"The only good news is it won’t be out until 2010, so I’ve still got two years to drink myself to death."
McKay said while Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes would be the worst ever, he doubted it would match the eye-gouging awfulness of the director's previous films Revolver and Swept Away.
He said: "Pretentious, fractured, convoluted and overwrought. And that was just the opening credits. For the love of God, make it stop."