Have you had enough Paul McCartney to last a f**king lifetime? Take our quiz

SIR Paul McCartney has turned 80, headlined Glastonbury and been hailed as Britain’s greatest man with twice the verve and energy of most 20-year-olds. But have you had your fill of the Fab One by now?

Hey Jude strikes up on the radio. How do you respond?

A) Drop everything, wave a scarf and do the ‘na na na na’ bit for a whole 45 minutes, long after the song has ended.

B) Drop your radio from the window of your fourth floor flat, watching with immense pleasure as it’s smashed to pieces.

You see yet another picture of McCartney giving the thumbs-up. Do you:

A) Give a thumbs-up back, with the slightly nauseating comment: ‘Good on yer, lad, I hope you’re still rocking when you’re 164!’

B) Scream ‘Will you pack it in with that thumbs-up shit? I’d have my thumbs up if I had your money. But I don’t. I’ve got an energy bill the size of Saturn and I’m trying to get six meals out of a tin of beans and sausages. And you can stop that pouting bullshit too.’

Which is your favourite Wings album?

A) I couldn’t single any of them out. Despite what the critics said, I find them to be of equal, uniform, utter excellence throughout.

B) I’d have to say The Very Worst Of Wings. Because that’s what they were. The worst. The band ELO thankfully weren’t.

There’s a new, overly reverential documentary titled 24 Hours in the Life of Paul McCartney, with 24 episodes featuring Sir Paul cleaning his teeth and sleeping. Will you be watching?

A) Hell, yeah! Just watching Macca take a piss is to see genius at work.

B) F**k off. I’ve already sat through the Peter Jackson one and that felt like five years. I’ve done my time.

Sir Paul is making a bland appearance on The One Show. What do you do?

A) Sit totally rapt by his rendition of Yesterday and eagerly listen to the dull details of his planned gigs.  

B) Somehow not be wildly excited by hearing Yesterday for the 1,753,228th time and wish John Lennon was on being an awkward shit.


Mostly As: You’re still thrilled by the world’s greatest musical genius. Long may he continue cranking out Let It Be and tame Beatles anecdotes.

Mostly Bs: You’re a miserable shit who doesn’t deserve Sir Paul. Go and listen to all of Ringo’s solo albums as punishment.

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Man horrified at the kind of twat who'd get his YouTube recommendations

A MAN was sent into a spiral of shame and self-loathing after being confronted by his own recommended videos on YouTube.

Joe Turner, 36, logged on and was instantly bombarded with the kind of videos only a wanker would watch: compilations of people being seriously hurt, influencers showing off their enormous wealth, and Joe Rogan spouting bollocks about Covid.

Upon realising that all of the videos were specifically tailored to him based on his viewing habits, Turner was forced to face the unsettling possibility he may in fact be a humongous twat.

He said: “The first video was two women fighting in a McDonald’s, the next one was a guy pranking his girlfriend by throwing her laptop into the sea, and the third was two white blokes talking about why the gender pay gap is bullshit. It was just video after video of the sort of garbage only an utter dickhead would watch.

“Then it dawned on me I was looking at a list of videos specially chosen for me by YouTube’s super-intelligent algorithm. I’ll be honest, I do enjoy those kinds of videos – but seeing them all laid out like that was pretty hard to take.

“The truly shameful part is that one of the recommendations was James Corden doing Carpool Karaoke. It was like getting a glimpse into my own soul – and what I saw was very ugly.”

Turner has now deleted his cookies so he can briefly fool YouTube into thinking he is a normal human being.