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Joni Mitchell's Blue, and other albums you'll receive a lecture for not liking

OH, you don’t like the right albums? Then a calm, intellectually grounded explanation of why you should will surely change your benighted mind: 

Joni Mitchell, Blue, 1971

Lauded as the first ever piece of art about feelings, its popularity is surprising given its crippling sadness, like Leonard Cohen without the laughs. Uses unusual open tunings. Be aware anyone pointing this out will lurch into a discussion of jazz without fair notice.

Nas, Illmatic, 1994

It’s tough to identify with these raw raps from the crackhead streets of Queens, even if you’re from Rotherham. But it is ridiculous not to know it passed the torch from Rakim, redefined the genre and had a one-take recording of a song which any rapper should be expected to do when performing live. Because it is sort of talking.

Miles Davis, Kind of Blue, 1959

If there’s one jazz record you’re supposed to like, it’s this one, and you don’t, and according to a bearded man at a party this is your fault. It has Coltrane on it. It has sax that you, who only hears the instrument at Ibiza Classical evenings when on a pill, can hardly recognise. He feels you really need to seek out the original vinyl and apologise to it.

Kate Bush, Hounds of Love, 1985

Half of this album, a boring drone from just over your shoulder in the record shop informs you as punishment for being a woman in a record shop, is a conceptual suite. About a woman drifting in the sea. Not the most thrilling concept, you think but don’t say while flipping through post-punk LPs, and Stranger Things has gone to shit as well.

Talking Heads, Remain in Light, 1980

Fun as it is to watch David Byrne gyrating in a big silly suit like he’s on It’s A Knockout, it’s all they’re really good for. This record’s off-kilter rhythms are as enjoyable as seasickness or is having the Fela Kuti influence explained to you by the whitest of white men while you’re trying to dance to the ‘same as it ever was’ song from the Kermit meme.

King Crimson, Red, 1974

Today he covers songs on YouTube while his topless wife Toyah sings along, but to those for whom prog was essentially philosophy set to music, Robert Fripp’s work with King Crimson is the icon. As will be explained to you by a middle-manager who you can’t tell to shut up because he’s giving you a lift. You pass the journey by promising yourself you will only ever listen to Red by Taylor Swift as revenge.

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The Daily Mash University League Table 2026: we've put Hull above Oxford for a laugh

WHAT is the best university in the country? It’s largely as you’d expect, but we’ve thrown in a few wildcards to con upper middle class kids into spending three years on the Humber: 

1. Cambridge

It’s old and fancy and all the scientists went there, plus former BNP leader Nick Griffin, so we’ve put it top because to do otherwise would be mad, right? We’ve got to build credibility here.

2. Imperial College London

Where nerds go, but in central London so they must logically be the best nerds. And they tend to really perform on University Challenge which is what employers look for.

3. Hull

Ah, the hallowed seat of British learning whose alumni include over half of all prime ministers and billionaires. Definitely. This isn’t just a gag based on who’s next on the list.

4. Oxford

Not what it used to be.

5. University College London

Another London one in which your fellow students will either be foreign, richer than your wildest dreams, or both. Don’t confuse it with LSE.

6. London School of Economics

Not to be confused with UCL, see above. Which we’ve put it below because it only has ‘school’ in the name, not ‘university’. A telling error.

7. Wolverhampton

Let’s say it’s got great student satisfaction or some bollocks. Doesn’t matter what we say, people will still stifle laughter when they see it on your CV.

8. Durham

All the Oxbridge and University of Hull rejects come here, which provides solid entertainment when they accidentally stray into a locals’ pub.

9.  Manchester

Redbrick, but not built out in the middle of f**king nowhere. Easy access to drugs. Nobody makes you dress up like a twat in a gown just to get your dinner.

10. Chichester

Wow, did not realise they had a university. That’s cute. And maybe the job prospects are great, if you’re happy with working at a Greggs.

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