Just by reading this headline you have spoiled Avengers: Endgame

THE headline above alone has completely ruined Avengers: Endgame, and by allowing your eyes to scan this sentence you have made it even worse. 

And by clicking on this story to read it, you have not only wrecked the Marvel event of the year for yourself but for three of your closest friends.

You could have scrolled past it, you could have voluntarily imposed a total media blackout. A fortnight in a blindfold wouldn’t be a disproportionate response. But no, you had to be a clever dick.

It’s too late now. Now you know that the Hulk kills Rocket Racoon with a carelessly flicked bogey, that Captain America and Dr Strange dance for Thanos’s amusement, and that Black Panther ditches Wakanda to hook up with a white girl.

You’ve also spoiled the twist that the Marvel universe links up with Game of Thrones, the White Walkers are defeated in ten minutes by Iron Man, and Winterfell is ruled wisely and well by new power couple Black Widow and Sansa Stark.

And Ted Hastings from Line of Duty is a Mafia hitman. And in The Sixth Sense Bruce Willis is a ghost. And Keyzer Soze was Kevin Spacey all along.

You could have avoided all that if you’d just resisted reading this one headline about Avengers: Endgame. But you didn’t. And now everything is ruined for the rest of your life.

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Are you struggling to take off your pyjamas?

PYJAMAS are delightfully easy to put on but require almost impossible strength of will to take off. Take our test to see if you’re managing to get out of yours: 

Are you still in your pyjamas because without them you feel raw, vulnerable and cold and it would be just be very horrible and you’re not ready for it?

Are you in the kitchen making breakfast, even though your previous meal was also breakfast, and noticing a musty smell that could be described as ‘dry dog?’

Are you struggling to find a pair of brogues that go with loose, brushed-cotton tartan?

When exiting the house are you suddenly very aware of the temperature and your lack of insulating layers?

Are you very conscious that all your bits are visibly jiggling around on your walk to work?

Are you trying to kid yourself that pajama bottoms can pass for smart striped summer trousers?

Was your entire journey to work just an idle daydream as you lay back on the sofa trying to find the motivation to leave it?


Mostly YES: You are still in your pyjamas. It does not look like you will be out of your pyjamas anytime soon.

Mostly NO: You are not in pyjamas, and are already keenly regretting this.