Sunday, 8th December 2019

Museum of 1970s sex euphemisms to open in Leeds

A MUSEUM dedicated to double entendres, saucy remarks and leering at birds through windows is to open in Leeds this summer. 

The Museum of Melons and Choppers, the first of its kind outside Sweden, will be opened by the Duchess of Cambridge cutting a ribbon holding up the mayor’s trousers, which will then fall exposing his genitals to a cheering crowd.

Curator Tom Logan said: “Bring the kids along and teach them wonderful heritage phrases like ‘legover’, ‘crumpet’, ‘rumpo’, and ‘how’s your father’.

“With the Carry On and Confessions films disappearing from our screens replaced by euphemism-free hardcore pornography, generations may miss out on the puerile, repressed and often downright incomprehensible slang which saw Britain through decades of sexual frustration.

“With the aid of nubile female and hopelessly horny male assistants, we guide visitors the many arms-length ways in which their parents and grandparents discussed sexual intercourse.

“It’s vital to witness how a nation fumbled around, guided only by the suggestive leers of Barbara Windsor and Robin Askwith, and ended up propagating a further generation without ever understanding how.”

He added: “Also, boobs were better in the 70s. They just were.”