KATE Bush is to lure her audience away from London to a place from which they will never return.
The singer’s 22 gigs, which have attracted more than 65 per cent of Londons vinyl collectors, were organised by the Mayor of London to clear the city of an infestation of ‘sensitive’ people.
Johnson said: Men who read the liner notes while listening to albums and women who wear bangles and offer to read your tarot cards are a pestilence on our city.
“These people bore themselves into the very fabric of the capital, embedding themselves in wood-lined rooms with massive stereo speakers, and are almost impossible to root out.
Bush will lead the audience out of the venue, along the fairy-tale Hammersmith Flyover and finally to a mountain where they will be sealed inside listening to Hounds of Love for all eternity.
The mayor has no intention of paying Bush for the gigs, in the hope that she will punish London by luring away every teenager who listens to music on the bus without headphones.