Keeping up with TV drama now main cause of stress

ATTEMPTING to keep abreast of television drama is the primary cause of stress in the UK, it has emerged.

The Institute for Studies found that 34% of Britons had considered substance abuse to escape worries about the hundreds of hours of unwatched drama building up on their Sky box.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “In terms of stress levels, keeping abreast ofBoardwalk Empire, True Detective, The Walking Dead and the dozen or so new dramas launched every week is roughly equivalent to taking part in the Normandy landings.

“The only way it is physically possible to keep up with this tsunami of quality entertainment is to give up your job, family and personal hygiene and remain permanently in front of the television, eating baked beans out of the tin to sustain your visual cortex.

“Personally I do not think that is a price worth paying for the new series of Inspector George Gently.”

Mother-of-two Nikki Hollis said: “Last week I thought I just had two episodes of Game of Thrones to get through and then I’d have a few precious hours to myself before I had to make a start on Better Call Saul.

“Then one of my friends called and told me there was a new series of House of Cards. I just curled up on the floor and wept.”


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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
This week you appear on Saturday Kitchen stating that your ‘food heaven’ and ‘food hell’ are Michael Gove and Jimmy Krankie respectively.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
After learning not to comment on ignorant and inflammatory remarks on the internet with a zen-like calm for the last six months, you realise that calling everybody a wanker is actually a lot more fun.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
You discover the exclusive discount shop Millionpoundland sells value packs of racehorses.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Your faith in video games is undermined when you go around shaking hedges to discover it’s impossible to make birds angry.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
A disappointing response from the people at after you realise it isn’t actually an honestly-named dating website.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
No word from Hasbro about your board game ‘Connect Against’.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
The combination of Jupiter and Venus in your love life means your latest encounter results in you breaking out in giant red spots.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
You prefer not to foster a ‘blame culture’ at work, preferring instead to have a ‘leave incriminating evidence on somebody’s desk and wait for it to be spotted’ culture instead.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
You’re dragged along to watch the Keith Lemon film at the cinema and it manages to be the most unpleasant film you’ve seen with the word ‘lemon’ in the title, including the ‘party’ one with all those naked old men.

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
Everyone has an opinion on your arsehole. No, hang on, that’s not right…

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
After a whole day off the booze, your DTs reach such chronic levels you earn good money on a building site as a paint churner. In a sad twist, this leads you to discover the pleasures of paint thinner.

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
You take your duties seriously as best man and have spent the last six months compiling a dossier for the bride listing all the ways you are a better catch than the groom.