Sunday, 1st November 2020

Left-wing masturbators accept challenge of Gillian Anderson as Margaret Thatcher

LEFT-WING masturbators have accepted the gauntlet thrown down when Gillian Anderson was cast as Margaret Thatcher, they have confirmed. 

Male and female X-Files fans are building up to what has been dubbed the ‘toughest wank in a generation’ as Anderson portrays the Iron Lady in the new series of The Crown.

Labour party member and committed self-pleasurer Nikki Hollis said: “I’ve flicked the bean to some pretty weird stuff in my time, but I never thought it would come to this.

“Am I really going to give myself the old downstairs high-five to Maggie waving her way in to Downing Street? Handbag and all?

“My fanny’s reaction to the promotional shots released this week suggested that yes, I very much will. And maybe her getting it on with Princess Di.”

Tom Booker, aged 49, agreed: “I made a solemn vow a long time ago that I’d crack one out to Gillian Anderson in any scenario, and it’s time to put that to the test.

“Honestly, I feel it would be easier to stroke the angry man to images of Gillian banging my dad than presiding over the miners’ strike. But anything for Scully.”