PETE Doherty has expressed his amazement at how chunky Libertines fans have gotten.
The Libertines played their first gig in four years to an adoring crowd of 60,000 people, many of whom, according to Doherty, have put on a significant amount of weight during the bands hiatus.
Crack buff Doherty said: A few years ago, our fans were the waifs and strays of Albion, resplendent in skinny jeans, wild eyes aglow with strung-out glamour.
“Now theyre fat mid-thirties men in TK Maxx t-shirts and relaxed fit jeans, like they all decided to give up on Baudelaire and heroin for gourmet burgers. What went wrong?
Bandmate Carl Barat agreed: I dont know what theyve been doing since 2010 but theyve really let themselves go. Greying, sweaty, and enough spare tires for a monster truck rally. I cant believe I used to find them attractive.
Barat added that he had been really looking forward to this gig, which made it all the more disappointing that nobody had bothered to make an effort.
Accountant and Libertines fan Wayne Hayes said: Everyone in the crowd went mad when they started playing What a Waster, until we remembered we all have mortgages and lumbago.
“The best thing about the show was that you could buy tortillas.