Luke Skywalker not in new Star Wars film because he was always shit

LUKE Skywalker does not appear in the new Star Wars movie because he is the worst character in the series by far, it has been confirmed.

Director JJ Abrams responded to rumours that Skywalker is the villain of the new trilogy by saying they told Mark Hamill that just so they could cover him up with a hood. 

He continued: “Luke Skywalker is a farm boy in a strop who sees the greatest wonders of the galaxy and compares them all to shooting womp rats in a desert. 

“And his hair is weird. His aunt was probably cutting it and she got killed by stormtroopers, but he should have sorted it out by Return of the Jedi.”

Abrams revealed that Skywalker will make his first appearance in the third movie in the trilogy, in 2019, where he gets one line before being sucked out through an airlock and exploding in space.

Fan Joseph Turner said: “To be fair, he never had the charisma of the beeping robot or the big hairy fella.”

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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

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