TOYS based on characters from US TV series Mad Men are having complex, stylish affairs with other action figures, it emerged last night.
Owners of the new dolls, which are modelled on characters including philandering alpha male ad boss Don Draper and that ginger secretary with the truly remarkable charlies, say they wasted no time in having thinly-veiled intercourse with other attractive toys.
Teacher Tom Logan said: "As an avid collector of expensive and slightly pathetic adult-oriented action figures, I bought the full set.
"The next day I woke to find the house permeated with the stink of expensive liquor, full strength Marlboro and illicit motel room sex.
"Don Draper was missing, and my daughter's Hannah Montana doll was in tears, having just gotten off the phone to a toy abortion clinic.
"Meanwhile Don's doll wife Elizabeth has formed a tense, semi-platonic relationship with my son's Buzz Lightyear, which is the subject of much speculation among the other inhabitants of the toy cupboard.
"And I'm desperately trying to put my marriage back together after a drunken one-night stand with the chesty secretary."
He added: "Damn that beautiful, coquettish polyurethane minx. She's so fucking cool, it's driving me goddam nuts."
But manufacturers Mattel have denied responsibility, claiming the box clearly states the figures 'may indulge in morally ambiguous and/or sexist behaviour'.
A spokesman said: "These are sophisticated, maverick dolls whose marital relations are underscored by dark secrets and simmering resentment. They work hard, play hard, occasionally smoke pipes and never seem to get hangovers."
The company is also planning a range of toys based on previous best thing ever The Wire, including a corrupt policeman doll and a black drug dealer doll that is going to fuck you up, bitch.