Magical, fun-packed Special Brew lorry coming to a town near you

A PROMOTIONAL festive lorry full of Special Brew and Brew-related gifts is touring the UK.

Inspired by the popular ‘Coke Lorry’, the ‘Brew Wagon’ will be visiting town centres across the country handing out free cans of super-strength lager and encouraging families to enjoy the Special Brew experience.

A Carlsberg spokesman said: “Come and meet ‘Father Brewmas’ a friendly red-faced chap who always has a can of the good stuff with your name on it. He’s very friendly even if he doesn’t smell that great.

“He might even ask you to sit on his knee but I wouldn’t do that to be honest, for a number of reasons.”

As well as meeting Father Brewmas and getting a can from his ‘Brew Elves’, visitors can get aboard the truck to experience a Brew-themed wonderland.

The spokesman said: “We’ve transformed the lorry interior into something resembling the back alley of a pub, complete with skips full of real rubbish that you can get into and fall asleep.

“You can meet other Brew fans there, and perhaps have an argument that will quickly escalate into shoving.”


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Southern scientists discover some Northerners not working class

SCIENTISTS from the south east have been surprised to learn that not everyone in the North is working class.

Southern scientists always assumed that anyone from ‘up north’ was either living in a kestrel-based drama or working in one of those factories where there is lots of hot liquid metal and sparks.

Kent-based researcher Eleanor Shaw said: “I thought they were essentially unlucky people deprived of the opportunity to pronounce words like ‘castle’ or ‘bath’ properly.

“Our research revealed some of them have ponies. For riding, not food.”

Shaw also confirmed that many Northerners work in professional jobs that most Londoners would consider respectable, and even have fancy houses.

Shaw added: “Northerner culture is surprisingly rich and diverse, although some of it we will never understand, such as a pie with kidneys in it.

“Kidneys, for Christ’s sake.”