Man buys Band Aid single for musical content

AN office worker has purchased the Band Aid song just because he thinks it is good.

Sales administrator Wayne Hayes said: “I’m not bothered about so-called good causes but I do really like songs where a different person sings every line.

“Why don’t they do that more? It’s like getting thirty or so singers for the price of one.

“Also I like that the title is a question. Song titles should all have question marks at the end because then it gets you thinking.

“Do they know it’s Christmas? And who are ‘they’ anyway? It’s a fascinating enigma.”

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‘Mediterranean diet’ translated as pizza

BRITONS have decided that pizza is the main component of a Mediterranean diet.

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “It’s great that doctors are saying pizza is the key to longevity because I adore it.

“Healthy living is all about simple, fresh ingredients like dough and spicy beef.

“Natural oils, which can be seen oozing plentifully out of a cheese-stuffed Domino’s crust, are vital for a strong heart.

“And if we prefer something lighter there’s always pasta and big fancy ice creams.”