Man going to pretend he watches Normal People and hope no one asks him about it

A MAN plans to behave as if he has seen Normal People then hope the conversation does not go into detail.

Not wishing to be left out of the zeitgeist, Martin Bishop developed the flawed plan even though he has not seen the popular TV show and mainly rewatches Predator and variants in the Fast and Furious franchise.

Bishop said: “To be honest I have no idea what it’s about. Normal people sound really boring to me. I’m a normal person and I spend most of my time eating cheese on toast and masturbating into a sock.

“To me that sounds like a weak premise for a TV show.”

Bishop has already pretended to have watched Game of Thrones, an equally pathetic ploy that ended badly when he told work colleagues he thought the ending was “excellent”.

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Guardian and Mail readers exchange gifts in no man's land

GUARDIAN and Daily Mail readers exchanged gifts in no man’s land during a rare moment of solidarity before going back to hating each other.

The two sides nervously approached each other in a park to swap gifts including a John Lewis pasta maker and Princess Diana memorial plate.

Guardian reader Martin Bishop said: “Finding out we both have a common enemy in an unelected puppet master who pulls the strings of power really brought us together.

“I don’t think they could quite follow my middle class cultural references so I descended to their level and called Cummings ‘elitist London scum’. That seemed to go down well.”

Mail reader Roy Hobbs said: “As I handed my collection of free World War II in Colour DVDs over to a limp-wristed Remoaner I realised we’re not really so different after all.

“Although what I’m meant to do with this spiralizer is beyond me.”