Man has amazing ability to know all new music is shit without listening to it

A MAN instinctively knows that all music made since about 2002 is shit without even having to hear it, he has revealed.

35-year-old Julian Cook told friends that ‘it’s all shit’ and he ‘doesn’t need to listen to it to know it all sounds like Taylor Swift nowadays’.

Cook’s workmate Emma Bradford said: The way he just knew that Kendrick Lamar, Young Fathers and Kate Tempest were awful without even having to hear them shows that his powers are only getting stronger with the onset of him becoming more and more middle-aged.

“He’s a lot like Merlin, or Derren Brown.”

Cook added: “You could say I’m equally cursed and blessed with these mysterious abilities.

They allow me to not have to waste any time listening to anything new, but also I can’t join in any conversations about new music without coming across as a boring old bastard.

I can talk about The Libertines if they come up. I think they were shit but I could definitely handle a conversation about them.”