Man who just wants more people to read books furious about the books they’re reading

A MAN who thinks people should read more is absolutely horrified with everyone’s choice of reading. 

English teacher Martin Bishop, who reads the kind of fancy novels nominated for the Booker Prize, walked around the pool at his Sicilian hotel in open-mouthed horror at the books of fellow guests.

He said: “The Da Vinci Code? In 2018? Tell me that’s ironic.

“And James Patterson, and Jodi Picoult, and Sophie Kinsella, and I had not thought Martina Cole had done so many. I can’t believe in reading for this.

“Does nobody here even scan the summer books in the TLS? Or did they just grab any pastel-coloured oblong from the WH Smith at the airport and promise themselves they’d read the full title when they had time?

“Dear God, I’ve just heard that girl say that she’s re-reading Harry Potter. Re-reading. Harry Potter. Erasing her brain line-by-line.”

Bishop, who chose acclaimed novel Lincoln in the Bardo as his holiday reading, did not complete it as he mainly used it as a shield from behind which he could safely stare at tits.

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13-year-old who didn't complete Euro 2020 sticker album told that's pretty much how life going to be

A KID who didn’t manage to fill his Panini Euro 2020 Cup sticker album has been told that everything in adult life is going to be pretty much like that.

13-year-old Wayne Hayes of Bedford got several big name players for his 2020 album, but is still missing too many to say he even came close to completing it.

Hayes said: “I didn’t get Ronaldo, Harry Kane or Luca Modric, which apparently will set me up nicely in later life for never getting an interesting job, nice car or anything else that I really want.

“And I had to pay for all the stickers in my album even though I didn’t complete it, which will apparently prepare me for the Media Studies degree I’m going to start in about five years time.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Wayne also won’t get the girl he falls madly in love with when he is 18.

“She’ll end up going out with a footballer who he’ll get in every packet of stickers he buys for the next World Cup.”