Man witnesses the death of music for, like, the ninth time

A 35 year-old man has declared that music is dead, for what he reckons is probably the ninth time.

Martin Bishop declared that, after hearing Mike Skinner’s new ‘Tonga’ music, it really is all over this time.

Bishop said: “Most recently I said it when Bowie died, but now that I’ve heard this ‘Tonga’ stuff, it’s definitely dead.

“I also said it when Rap emerged, when Karma Chameleon came out and when Britpop started. And the Spice Girls.

“In a weird way I think I was a little bit right every single time.”

He added: “It’s kind of a family tradition. My father witnessed the death of music with Herman’s Hermits, Glam Rock and the Sex Pistols.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

New season of Walking Dead to show characters finding safe place that subsequently becomes unsafe

THE new season of The Walking Dead involves a moment of hope followed by yet another gruelling journey, it has been revealed.

A production source revealed that the new series’ storyline will involve  some people finding a temporary haven – perhaps a church, school or other large municipal building – then having to leave when it is overrun either by zombies, psychopaths, or both.

The source said: “Last time we began with the characters safe, but then losing their place of safety. This time around they’re in great danger. Will they manage to find somewhere safe?

The source added: “You will wonder why you continue to watch this relentless torrent of the most gruelling misery imaginable, then concede that you’d already spent weeks of your life on it so it’s too late to stop now.”