Menswear, and other bands no one would give a shit about if they reformed

REFORMING to cash in on nostalgia is a common way for bands to make some money in their twilight years. Although these unmissed acts really needn’t bother.

Blazin’ Squad

Yes, the hip hop group topped the charts with Crossroads, but that was in 2002. Times have changed. Attack of the Clones came out that year, but you’re hardly clamouring to watch that again either. Crossroads wasn’t even an original Blazin’ Squad composition, proving that their cultural impact was basically a parasitic fluke.

Fast Food Rockers

A novelty band whose short-lived career felt like an elaborate tax write-off. In retrospect their despairingly catchy song, which listed the names of various fast food outlets, feels like a grim precursor to the viral success of Baby Shark Dance. And for this they should never be forgiven, let alone allowed to perform to a homecoming crowd of obligated friends and relatives.

Metro Station

With their sweeping side-fringes and ironic waistcoats, Metro Station were the nadir of Noughties emo culture. Like the Great Depression or the blitz, this was an era which people who lived through it want to forget, not relive in an overpriced arena. Plus they only had one hit that anyone can remember, which is not grounds enough for a reunion.

The Cheeky Girls

Thankfully, Gabriela and Monica Irimia seem to be aware that their careers as musicians are over, as they both now work in a car dealership in York. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s good honest work and their royalties probably went through the floor years ago. It does mean they might subject you to their back catalogue if you try to extend your warranty on a Nissan Qashqai though.


Sadly a Menswear reunion feels inevitable. The band only formed at the height of Britpop to have a quick suckle on that lucrative teat, but with Blur and Pulp touring again it’s likely only a matter of time until they hit the road. Let the prospect of them performing in a Doncaster bingo hall be a warning of the fickle nature of Britpop fame.

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What 'a couple of pints' means: A man and woman's perspective

NOBODY believes it when they say they are only going for ‘a couple of pints’. But this common lie means very different things to men and women.

The venue

For men, a couple of pints will usually take place in the nearest, cheapest pub that isn’t playing shit music unbearably loud. Meanwhile women will be sitting at home wondering how late their partner is going to get home this time and how f**ked just a couple of pints are going to make them. With a glass of wine in hand, they arguably have the better evening.

The people

A man will text his wife that he’s just out with a couple of colleagues and won’t be long. Bullshit. All his mates are there, including that dodgy one who keeps trying to get him into crypto. And a fit female friend who strangely goes unmentioned. A woman could host an orgy for all the difference it makes. She’ll never be asked what she’s been up to.

The number of pints

Men will stick to the company line of a couple of pints. Couple meaning two and no more than two. If they keep repeating this blatant lie then they hope to convince themselves that it’s true, which is the first step to selling it when they get home steaming drunk. By conducting a simple breath test, women will be able to accurately deduce the truth of 12 pints.

The time taken

Two pints should take no more than an hour and a half, maximum. So how come men usually stay out until the early hours? It’s because they’ve stopped for a bite to eat, then they got lost, and then they had to help their friend find his lost phone, apparently. Women will see right through this bullshit and know that they stayed in the pub until last orders then sat in the park with some cans.

The aftermath

A man will wake up in a state of hungover confusion. How could he end up like this after drinking a mere two pints? It defies scientific logic. A woman on the other hand will be happily breezing around the house, content in the knowledge that her predictions were entirely accurate. She was even bang on about the number of dry heaves.