Music To Stay Exactly The Same Forever

POPULAR music is to remain exactly as it is for ever and ever after Oasis were named best band at last night's NME awards.

The lead singer of U2 is a 48 year-old tax avoider named 'Bongo'

The band, hailed as a 'fresh and exciting group of middle aged men from Manchester' have impressed critics with their fresh, exciting songs that all sound exactly the same.

Tom Logan, assistant editor of NME, said: "It's so exciting for British music that a really fresh middle-aged band like Oasis is being recognised for doing the same fresh and exciting thing over and over and over again for what must be the best part of 20 years."

Logan added: "Their sound is so fresh, so exciting and so completely unlike anything we've ever heard apart from absolutely every single note played by the Beatles, as well as the Rolling Stones, the Who, the Kinks, the Smiths and, obviously, the Stone Roses."

Meanwhile the BBC is devoting an entire week of programming to rock's freshest sensation, a fresh and exciting group of middle-aged men from Dublin called 'U2'.

Director general Mark Thompson said: "I discovered U2 last year when they were playing some tiny, little spit and sawdust Olympic stadium in Rome and I knew straight away they would need lots of help from the BBC in promoting their new album."

He added: "They're not your typical Dublin band, they're actually a really fresh and exciting group of millionaire property developers who have invented this fresh, exciting sound where all the songs are exactly the same.

"I imagine it's what the Stranglers would sound like if they were asked to do a Diet Coke advert."