AS home secretary, I detest everyone in Britain. But I love Disney because for every sad moment like Scar being thrown to hyenas there’s a happy one, like Bambi’s mum being shot. Here are my top five:
When Scar kills Mufasa
Mufasa makes it obvious that he’s a green, a Marxist and allows the co-existence of inferior species. The circle of life is communism. What a wonderful moment when a leader who understands how to exploit natural resources takes over. Those wildebeest aren’t your friends now, eh, hippy?
When Cruella De Vil plans her coat
My fashion icon growing up, Cruella is only thinking of how unsustainable the puppy population has become. If you have too many childen and can’t afford them, you should be glad when wealth creators step in with innovative market-led solutions.
When Robin Hood is sentenced to death
I believe in the death penalty, especially for foxes thieving hard-earned hereditary fortunes from aristocrats and robbing the poor of any chance to better themselves by giving them handouts. His death sentence from the wonderful Prince John warmed my very heart.
When Governor Ratcliffe lands in Virginia
Governor Ratcliffe in Pocahontas displays all the qualities that made Britain great, chiefly pillaging foreign lands of their riches and slaughtering the indigenous people. It devastates me when his plans are thwarted by the actions of John Smith, who seems determined to accept other cultures. What’s British about that?
When Anna and Elsa are orphaned
I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about a sinking ship in a rough sea that gets me right there. And those sisters being orphaned and their country left at the mercy of any despot with a big army. I just cannot wipe the smile off my face.