Friday, 7th May 2021

Boris making own Bond film in bid to save cinemas

BORIS Johnson is making and starring in his own James Bond film to save Britain’s cinema industry. 

The £500m film, titled Moonshot and financed by Rishi Sunak, promises to be a high-octane adventure about a charismatic blonde British agent charging around the world getting into terrible trouble.

The prime minister said: “A dashing Brit engaging in thrills, spills and diplomatic incidents, while committing serial adultery? Hello?

“I’ve already spent most of the year in a high-stakes thrill ride with the lives of everyone in the country at stake, so I’m prepared. And gambling with government money is simply what I do.

“Cummings is playing the egghead villain, Matt Hancock’s the MI6 boss whose boring rules I ignore for my maverick intuition, and innovative gadget master Q is – who else? – Baroness Dido Harding.

“I smash through windows on zip lines, I punch baddies, I deliver quips, it’ll be out for Christmas and I’m confident the whole UK will flock to see it, giving our beleaguered cinemas the boost they deserve.”

Bond fan Nathan Muir said: “Yeah. George Lazenby? No longer the worst.”