New Star Wars features shaved Chewbacca

NEW Star Wars film The Last Jedi promises the first sight of Chewbacca shaven completely bare. 

In scenes which have delighted hardcore fans, the Wookie picks up an infestation of ticks and is taken by Rey and BB-8 through First Order blockades to a space vet with eight eyes and a horn. 

The vet advises Chewbacca that his last delousing is seven years overdue and, in a thrilling scene, shaves him completely with lasers before applying topical creams to clear up a nasty rash. 

Director Rian Johnson said: “This is what the fans have been clamouring ever since the epic Yoda sex scene in Episode III. 

“To see the mighty Chewbacca shorn like a lamb and to finally discover that he is just a bloke beneath his magnificent fur, answering all the questions we’ve been asking since 1977, has had incredible reactions. 

“And just to clear up; no, just because he’s hairless doesn’t mean he wears clothes. For the last hour of the movie he’s just in his bandolier with his genitals fully exposed.” 

48-year-old Star Wars fan Tom Logan said: “Did I ask for this? I suppose I did, when I was five.” 

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Save valuable time by throwing all Christmas cards straight in the bin


SIMPLY throwing all Christmas cards into the bin unopened could save you up to four hours this Christmas, it has been claimed.

Time-saving expert Martin Bishop believes a million hours of festive fun could be gained nationally by putting cards straight in the recycling after squeezing them for possible money.

He said: “I hate to say ‘one weird trick’ but you take those cards and stick them in the shredder, like Santa does with the kids’ lists, and you’ll feel a real weight off your shoulders.

“Think of the time you’ll save buggering about opening them and putting them on a shelf.”

Bishop added: “You really don’t need to read Christmas cards, unless you especially like generic poems about robins and bells with a token greeting scribbled underneath. The ones hand-made by children or pensioners are especially poor.

“Although interestingly I did once get a card from my nan that had a racist drawing in it.”