STAR Wars: The Force Awakens will be 33 per cent black screen with Andy Serkis intoning portentous statements.
The rapturous reaction to the trailer, which alternates three seconds of footage with two seconds of inky blackness, has convinced director JJ Abrams to do the entire film like that.
He said: “You won’t get more than six seconds of footage at a time, and even then only if it’s featureless desert with a bloke popping up at the last moment.
“The film will cut between a silly robot, a woman piloting an air-conditioning unit, a Jedi in the woods and the Millennium Falcon looping about, in that order, for two hours.
“In between the narrator will say things like ‘A force has awakened’, ‘A war is coming’, and ‘The future is beyond us all’.”
Property developer Joseph Turner said: “It doesn’t fucking matter does it, I’ve still got to go and see it. I signed that contract back in 1977 when I was five years old and there’s no getting out.
“At least my children think it’s bollocks – they’ve escaped.”