One Direction album about heroin

THE new album from boy band One Direction is all about smack.

1D member Harry Styles said: “The new album is called Take Me Home. It’s actually written from the perspective of a bag of heroin.

“There’s a track Heart Attack that’s about OD’ing, and Over Again is about the nagging compulsion to take more smack.”

Marketing executive Julian Cook said: “It’s a shrewd commercial move – the junkie market is global and it’s ever-growing. Loads of smackheads were into Take That.”



Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Erotic novel about man who is controlling in a really petty way

A WOMEN’S erotica novel about a relationship with a pernickety twat is smashing sales records.

Bob Scott, anti-hero of Emma Bradford’s million-selling I Don’t Really Want You Borrowing My Coat Again is controlling in an annoying, fussy way.

In one scene he has a go at the female protagonist, Cecile, for leaving her shoes in the bedroom, saying: “Shoes don’t go in the bedroom! Shoes go under the stairs.

“I’ve told you that a million times.”

Bradford said: “Bob has quite a dark past, his parents were really annoying and never allowed him to buy sweets with his pocket money. So he’s grown up into a right knob.

“A sexy, mysterious knob.”

Fan Eleanor Shaw said: “I like to imagine myself as Cecile, with Bob getting narked with me about some insignificant thing.

“The scene where Bob tells Cecile she can’t use his car on Tuesday, even though he isn’t using it himself, is super hot.”

Bradford is currently writing a sequel, I Told You We Can’t Afford To Shop In Waitrose.