Part-time DJ also full-time twat

A MAN who introduces himself as a ‘part-time DJ’ manages to also hold down a full-time position as a twat. 

Tom Logan, aged 25, tells friends, colleagues, acquantainces, shop assistants and strangers in the pub that he ‘works’ playing music for others, a statement which thus far has impressed literally nobody.

Sister Jenny Logan said: “If Tom put in as many hours on the decks as he puts in banging on about being on the decks he’d be fucking Deadmaus.

“Unfortunately I’m not really sure the DJing is ever going to become his main occupation as he likes to claim because he’s simply too busy being a wanker.

“I’ve been to bars where he’s performed – it’s not like he’s in a band, there’s only so badly you can fuck up playing other people’s music – and I’ll be honest, he even DJs like a knob.

“It shows an amazing work ethic to manage to balance being a below-average insurance administrator, a piss-average DJ and a complete and unmitigated prick.”

Tom said: “I’m basically Calvin Harris, but I earn £25 per night if the bar take’s above £500. But I doubt Calvin could also secure a promotion to executive administrator at a mid-range insurance firm.”