MILLIONS of people not at the Glastonbury Festival have started relishing the abject suffering of those who are.
In what has become an almost-yearly ritual, the vast majority of people in the UK are celebrating the rain that will transform the site into a muddy hellpit full of twats.
Tom Logan, a 36-year-old plumber, said: “I hope they paid a lot of money for this. I hope this is their summer fucking holiday.
“Wouldn’t it be great if there are lots of young people who’ve just finished their A Levels or some fucking thing? Have fun you smart-arsed little shits.
He added: “Despite its European name, schadenfreude is more British than a bulldog eating a scone.”
However those at the festival are determined to keep pretending to enjoy themselves despite the medieval conditions.
Student Emma Bradford said: “I’m going to be standing in the vast puddle of filth that is the field containing the semi-submerged Pyramid Stage, waving my home-made banner as if I’m not actually thinking about being in a proper bed, in a building with a roof on it.
“I’m totally stoked about being here.”
Bill McKay added: “Look at this banner I’ve made, it says ‘Brighton Boyz’ on it. Or at least it did, it’s kind of been a bit ruined since I used it to mop up the effluent filling my tent.”