Post-Brexit remake of Fawlty Towers to star idiot English waiter

A REMAKE of Fawlty Towers has been criticised for stereotyping the English as stupid and gormless because they voted for Brexit.

The updated version of the series is set in a Torquay hotel run by Basila, a 36-year-old woman from Barcelona with a first-class degree in management studies who is fluent in four languages, including German.

Her staff includes local Brexiter Manny, an idiot incapable of following simple instructions ‘because he’s from England’.

In the first episode, The Immigration Officers, the hotel is thrown into chaos as Basila is deported back to Spain due to an error by the Home Office, leaving Manny in charge.

Hilarity ensues as Manny insults his German guests by telling them Angela Merkel is the new Hitler, before setting fire to the hotel trying to prepare 20 fried breakfasts, now the only thing on the menu.

Forthcoming storylines include Manny getting into a dispute with some Irish builders which leads to the collapse of the Good Friday Agreement.

In the final episode, Manny is forced to kill and eat his pet rat due to chronic food shortages in all the shops.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Is your phone really just an anxiety-making self-torture device?

DO YOU use your phone to speak to people who are far away, or to torment yourself when they don’t instantly reply to your inane messages? 

Take our test and find out.

You send a text to someone you fancy. After three minutes have elapsed with no reply do you:

A) Think nothing of it. People are busy.

B) Turn into a shivering ball of anxiety and self-flagellation and check your phone every 15 seconds until they finally text back a confusing and disappointing ‘thumbs up’ emoji.

Your battery goes flat while you’re out shopping. Do you:

A) Think ‘I must charge it when I get home’.

B) Panic, run into the nearest branch of Costa and spend the best part of a fiver on a coffee so you can sit by a plug, then receive one text about PPI.

Your phone rings, indicating someone wants to actually talk rather than text. Do you:

A) Answer it with a hearty and delighted ‘Hello there!’.

B) Freeze in horror at the thought of speaking to another human being, then hide it under a pillow until you’re sure they’ve gone.

You download Instagram and look at some pictures. Do you think:

A) ‘Gosh, what a lot of effort people put into making their lives seem constantly amazing when they probably spend most of their time eating crisps.’

B) ‘Everyone else is having such an amazing time while all I do is eat crisps. I must immediately organise a trip up a volcano to drink cocktails!’

Mostly As. Congratulations! You are using your phone as the useful method of communication it was designed to be.

Mostly Bs. You are going to have a nervous breakdown. Throw your phone in the bin and go and live on a remote Scottish island with no wi-fi.