Friday, 7th May 2021

Producers reassure fans James Bond will still be a prick

THE producers of upcoming Bond film No Time To Die have reassured audiences that he will still be the same old offensive ars*hole. 

Claims that the 25th movie will be the most politically correct yet have been dismissed by producer Thomas Logan, who confirmed that Bond will be just as much of an up-himself sneering bastard as ever.

Logan continued: “He might have handed back his double-O licence, but he’s still a class-A prick.

“He’ll be laughing contemptuously at foreigners while driving through their homes, treating women as interchangeable sex objects, and making raised-eyebrow quips about opponents homosexual proclivities before shooting them.

“Yes, Phoebe Waller-Bridge is writing, but only to add her delightful edge of posh-girl cruelty. This is a Bond who voted Leave, eats red meat and is back on 20 B&H a day.”

58-year-old Stephen Malley said: “It would be another win for the liberal elite if James Bond wasn’t a xenophobic d*ckhead. Bring back the days of him fighting Chinese dwarves.”