Queen becomes new face of Iceland

QUEEN Elizabeth II has been unveiled as the new face of frozen food retailer Iceland.

Peter Andre fancies her

The announcement follows the 86-year-old monarch’s appearance at the Olympics opening ceremony pretending to jump out of a helicopter with James Bond.

A spokesman for the retailer explained: “We never thought she’d be interested, but after seeing her in a hokey action film parody we thought it would be worth a go, and it turns out she’s up for whatever.

“Cuts in royal funding have made the Queen rethink her media strategy and her attitude towards Mini Banoffee Bites.

“That’s why Ma’am goes to Iceland.”

The forthcoming Iceland adverts will portray the Queen as being fed up with foie gras and quails eggs, and gagging for cheap sausage rolls.

She puts on a balaclava and clambers down the chimney of Stacey Solomon’s house, where a working class party is under way.

The spokesman said: “The ironic twist is that Fergie has already stolen the party platters after infiltrating the party as a waitress.

“But the Queen throws her crown –  like a kind of royal ninja shuriken star – and the spiky bits stick in Fergie’s back, dropping the greedy ginger Duchess like a sack of potatoes.

“Stacey and the Queen bond over Fergie’s painful demise and have a laugh together over mouthfuls of reasonably-priced brown food.”

Other Queen-based media concepts currently in development include reality TV show The Only Way Is Balmoral, a pop collaboration with Calvin Harris and getting the Queen to play one of her ancestors on Horrible Histories.