Queen wondering if The Crown will show her mother getting massively pissed

QUEEN Elizabeth II is curious to see whether the new season of The Crown will show her mother getting as hammered as she did in real life, palace insiders have confirmed.

Her Royal Highness is reportedly hoping that the Queen Mother will be portrayed as the massive pisshead she was, as she believes this is ‘how dear old mummy would want to be remembered’.

A source said: “Her Majesty has such fond memories of coming down of a morning and seeing her mother enjoying a bowl of cornflakes and gin before challenging one of the footmen to a fight.

“Everyone at the palace felt it was a privilege to witness her pack it away. All those young lightweights like Liam Gallagher or Peter Doherty were never a patch on her.

“The Queen feels it would be a crying shame if viewers aren’t treated to at least one scene of her standing on the banqueting table belting out ‘Rule Britannia’ and waving a bottle of Martini above her head.

“At the very least it will distract from her tedious kids and their spouses. What an embarrassment.”


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Best part of having a dog is when it runs away and you have to chase it for hours, say dogs

DOGS believe that the best thing about owning them is when they make you search for them for hours in dense woodland.

Although there are many benefits of dog ownership, from loyal companionship to having your floors constantly licked clean, frantically chasing a runaway mutt is believed to rank highest.

Jack Russell Roy Hobbs said: “My owner bought me without researching my breed, and I can run much further and faster than he ever imagined, the bloody idiot.

“The other day I went missing for six hours, so my human got to spend a whole afternoon moronically shouting my name and posting about me on his neighbourhood Facebook group.

“As well as the aerobic exercise from all the sprinting, my owner loves the drama of my disappearances. He needs something to keep him busy now I’ve driven away all his friends by humping their legs constantly.

“The other day he thought he’d lost me forever. He even printed out ‘Lost dog’ signs, which was sweet. Although I did notice he wasn’t offering a reward for my return so I’ll definitely be shitting in the house this weekend.”