RADIOHEAD'S pledge to stop making albums will save thousands of lives a year, experts claimed last night.
The Royal Institute of Psychiatry said that while short bursts of Radiohead were generally safe, recent studies revealed that anyone who listened to it for more than 25 uninterrupted minutes faced a substantially increased risk of wanting to hurl themselves in front of a train.
Lead singer Thohm Yhorkhe said the group may release the occasional single about the desolate bleakness of being very rich, but albums featuring 10 or more songs about middle-class alienation were a thing of the past.
He added: "We have slowly become aware that listening to me mumbling about death while Jonny kicks his guitar down an escalator is not conducive to robust mental health."
Meanwhile the Samaritans estimate the reduction in atonal tragi-pop could cut suicide attempts by 75%, though they admit this will be primarily amongst melodramatic teenagers who are unlikely to be missed.
Deputy chairman Tom Logan said the three most stressful episodes in a person's life are divorce, the death of a loved one and listening to OK Computer right through to the end.
The organisation successfully persuaded the band to release their last album, In Rainbows, via the internet amid fears the sharp edges of a CD might prove too tempting for shattered listeners.
Mr Logan said: "We did also ask them to change the title as it made it sound as if it might be quite jolly and pleasant, when of course it absolutely wasn't."
He added: "Our priority now is to support those people who start listening to Leonard Cohen instead, as he makes Radiohead look like KC & The Sunshine Band doing the Sesame Street song."