Opinions About House Prices Bounce Back

THE number of people with something to say about house prices rose by 15% in July, according to a report by the Institute of Chartered House Price Opinion Surveyors.

House price opinions rose sharply in early July after everyone finally agreed that Michael Jackson was just a sad weirdo

According to the report the most popular opinion about house prices is still 'of course, it was bound to happen', said in a knowing tone by someone with £250,000 worth of negative equity.

But running a close second is 'property will always be a good investment', currently being offered by some fucker sipping Chablis who has decided it is okay to start sounding smug again.

House price opinion consultant Peter Stamp said: "This is welcome news but we do really need some new points of view if the house opinion market is going return to 2008's pinnacle of meaningless bullshit and wishful thinking.

"Personally I'd like to see more people saying things like 'the way forward is to buy bungalows made of pork', or 'I think prices are driven by the mating habits of cockles'."

He added: "It's these kind of fresh perspectives which, while still total bullshit, are slightly less face-meltingly tedious than the current offerings being touted at semi-ironic North London fondue parties."

But despite the encouraging figures, many would-be first-time house price opinion holders believe the government should do more to help them onto the first rung of the property opinion ladder.

Teacher Mark Scholes has been trying to think of something to say about houses since last June. He added: "I've been renting 'buy-to-let is still pushing up values' but I think it's time I had my own thing to say about house prices.

"Unfortunately my bank manager said I don't earn enough to qualify for a valid opinion."