AUTHOR JK Rowling last night reacted angrily to claims that she has been seen smiling.
The author has successfully defended previous claims that she has a sunny, upbeat disposition and will seek a court order to protect her reputation as the world's foremost unreasonably miserable cow.
The accusation was made by a rival author who states that for prolonged passages of time during a book signing in January, Rowling had a face on her that didn't look like a recently bereaved substitute teacher.
Charlie Reeves, author of Loads Of Wizards That Go To A Public School And Do Spells, said: "Rowling stole the idea of being miserable from me. I have footage from 2004 that shows me begrudgingly signing books for the public as if each and every one of them was asking me to hand over a kidney.
"Before she saw me acting the mardy arse to the very people who pay my wages, Rowling used to rollerskate into her promotional events in clown make-up singing Shadduppa You Face."
But Rowling said: "I am saddened by the absurd and unfounded accusation that anything makes me happy, whether it's having more fans than Jesus or the fact I could hire the Archbishop of Canterbury to dress up as a Victorian prostitute."
She added: "By the way, those glasses look suspiciously round to me. I hope you have written permisson."
Helen Archer, a director at Bloomsbury, Rowling's publishers, said: "I've worked with her for eight years and the idea she would show the vaguest iota of joy is ludicrous. I remember when I told her she was now officially a billionaire and she looked at me like I'd just shot her dog.
"Her public persona is entirely original, the books on the other hand are as derivative as fuck."