Six half-decent bands shite towns won't shut up about

MANY places in the UK are cultural dead zones, so when a band comes along with three okay songs everyone goes mental. Here are six legends in their own postcodes.

Kasabian and Leicester

Sub-sub-Oasis wannabees Kasabian burst onto the scene with Club Foot, Fire and probably some other ones too, continuing their city’s rich musical legacy of Showaddywaddy and Engelbert Humperdinck. The most interesting thing about them recently is kicking out their lead singer, but if you meet a Leicesterarian it’s handy to mention Serge and the gang to stop them droning on about that time Jamie Vardy & Co won the Premier League.

The Beautiful South and Hull

Located in the arse end of nowhere, Hull is generally somewhere you only visit if you fall asleep and forget to change trains at York. This former City of Culture hasn’t produced a passable band in the last 30 years, so it’s no surprise the locals cling on to this naff bunch of 80s plodders. Karaoke nights in the pubs of the city consist of people singing Rotterdam, Don’t Marry Her and Perfect 10 on repeat, forever, like some kind of musical purgatory.

Arctic Monkeys and Sheffield

Alex Turner and the boys exploded onto the scene with a smash hit debut album and have been running on the fumes of it for 15 years. Their output has been album after album of inaccessible tut, with the exception of that one album where Turner affected a weird American accent. That hasn’t stopped the words ‘Mardy Bum’ appearing on posters literally everywhere in the Steel City. Imagine what the reaction would be if they ever released something good again.

The Verve and Wigan

Until The Verve, the town was mainly noted for the ‘Wigan Kebab’, literally a meat pie served inside a bread roll. With a diet like this, the oldest residents of Wigan must only be about 50 years old, meaning they were in their early 20s when Bittersweet Symphony came out and too young to remember the Stones’ song it’s entirely based on. The video showed Richard Ashcroft tensely walking down the street – possibly attempting to escape from Wigan itself.

Slade and Wolverhampton

With a dearth of musical talent in their town, the people of Wolverhampton wheel out the yearly anecdote of how much Noddy Holder makes in royalties every Christmas. Fair enough, because Merry Xmas Everybody is a certified banger, but you shouldn’t be dining out on that (and their other 1973 hit Cum on Feel the Noize) 50 f**king years later. Noddy would be turning in his grave. If he was dead. Which he isn’t. Did you know he’s still making £500,000 every December?

Robbie Williams and Stoke-on-Trent

Robbie, the boy wonder of Stoke. Or ‘the fat dancer from Take That’, depending on taste. Normally people in the Potteries only get respect for hand-painting a tea cup or darts, but Robbie dared to dream. A bona fide, nailed-on, multi-platinum superstar (disclaimer: 25 years ago). But he is still Stoke’s favourite son, apart from Stanley Matthews. Robbie is so in love with his native town he now owns a $50m mansion in LA, having lived in the States for several decades.

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