RIVAL TV cooks Sophie Dahl and Nigella Lawson should settle their differences by exploring each other's mouths on BBC2, experts have claimed.
Specialists in baking and lesbian erotica believe that kissing and perhaps some light fondling would ease the friction between the BBC's top purveyors of highly fetishised kitchen antics.
Cooking enthusiast Tom Logan said: "I would love to see these two excellent and consummately professional cooks reconciled on television, ideally after 10.30pm, when the wife is upstairs watching Crime Scene: Navy Crime.
"The BBC should get them in the kitchen together, perhaps making a toad in the hole or cucumbers and cream."
Nathan Muir, a viewer from Grantham who has thought it all through, said: "Initially the atmosphere between these culinary titans would be frosty and combative, but things would thaw when Nigella accidentally drips some batter or whatever down Sophie's blouse.
"Sophie would go to wipe it off but then Nigella would go, 'No, let me', in a posh, commanding voice that simultaneously oozes sensuality.
"After a bit of blouse wiping their eyes would meet and their feud would be ended with a bout of frenzied sapphic lust which would leave the kitchen looking like a herd of wild pigs have run amok in it."
TV pundit Nikki Hollis said: "The popularity of Sophie and Nigella can only be explained by the fact that a section of the male population is inexplicably unaware of the ready availability of free, explicit pornographic films in which actual breasts are visible throughout and celery sticks have been substituted for actual penises."
Muir added: "It'd be like Mulholland Drive, but with spatulas."