BRITISH Airlines staff have been told that Michael O’Leary will be made their new chief executive unless they call off their strike action.
The Ryanair boss was wheeled into the latest round of talks in a cage and then nodded at significantly by BA executives.
BA chief Willie Walsh said: "Let's see how they cope with 'Commodore Shamrock' pissing into the plane's fuel tanks while the airport is closed, then giggling like a five-year-old and running away.
"Y'see, despite running a moderately large airline, Michael is convinced his planes won't fly without a dash of his winkie juice.
"And cabin crew are expected to say a little prayer of thanks every flight, just before the safety announcement, for the great golden gift he's provided them."
A Ryanair spokesman insisted that O'Leary would remain head of the airline for the foreseeable future as he is halfway through his four-year plan to check behind every cloud in the sky in his search for the ghost of St Patrick.
He added: "When he does 'find him' he's going to ask whether he wants to be the pilot of a special plane he's having made out of Shannon peat.
"And by the way, if you work for BA you should know that yes, he has taken his medication. Today is one of the good days."