AN INSECURE heterosexual man is too scared to watch Eurovision because it is so camp, it has emerged.
Despite claiming to be perfectly comfortable in his sexuality, Tom Booker will consciously avoid watching the Eurovision Song Contest and instead busy himself with traditionally masculine tasks.
Booker said: “I’m not afraid of Eurovision, what sort of wimp’s afraid of Eurovision? I just happen to have important manly things to do today, like looking at power tools on Amazon.
“It’s only a bunch of performers expressing uninhibited solidarity via the medium of flamboyant singing. It’ll take a bit more than that to terrify a big burly bloke like me. Now excuse me, I have to go change a tyre with a welding torch.”
Booker’s girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “The one time Tom watched Eurovision he instantly broke out in an anxious sweat, then he started overcompensating by ogling the Swedish contestant’s breasts and telling me ‘you don’t get many of them to the pound’.
“By the end of the night he was cowering behind the sofa and flicking through an old issue of FHM, and when we turned in he made me check under the bed for Graham Norton.
“This either means he’s in the closet or he’s been totally poisoned by toxic masculinity. As his partner, I’m not sure which is worse.”