Teenager asks dad where he was when he heard Biggie Smalls had died

A 14-YEAR-OLD has asked his dad where he was on that fateful 1997 day when he heard that Biggie Smalls was dead.

Josh Hudson asked father Tom if he still remembers the exact place and time on March 9th, 1997 when he first learned that the epochal East Coast rapper known as the Notorious B.I.G had lost his life in a killing that changed hip hop forever.

Tom said: “I told him that I’d never forget that day. I was standing on the corner with my Hebden Bridge posse, representing, when the shattering news came through on the radio.

“With the East Coast-West Coast feud at its height, Tupac in the ground just six months earlier, we immediately suspected this was a retaliatory killing. But being in Yorkshire we could prove nothing.

“I went home, hollow-eyed with loss, and broke the news to my parents. I still remember mum’s knuckles turning white as she gripped the edge of the washing-up bowl. We spent the evening together as a family, listening to Ready To Die and his debut with Junior M.A.F.I.A.”

He added: “He seemed to believe it. I mean, I’ve got no f**king idea, obviously. I barely knew who the f**ker was till that Puff Daddy song came out. But I improvised magnificently.”

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The animals weren't doing anything, and other mental complaints people have about zoos

BEEN to the zoo recently? Then you may have made some of these complaints about animals that have been caged for your viewing pleasure.

Why are they asleep in the day?

Some animals are nocturnal or have a different circadian rhythm from a family of four from Nailsworth, meaning they might be asleep when you visit. However, you feel aggrieved that this selfish animal’s basic biology has messed up your weekend. The least the zookeepers could do is zap it awake with a cattle prod.

They don’t do much

You’re pissed off that the animal is lying down doing nothing. Have you mistaken the zoo for a travelling Victorian circus? What were you expecting, a dancing bear on a chain? Despite the fact that forcing a bear to dance is a cruel practice that is now illegal, you secretly feel it would offer better value for money.

They shouldn’t clean their cages now

So you’ve arrived to find that the zoo’s star attraction, a lion, isn’t in its enclosure as it’s being cleaned. Rather than accepting that, like most living creatures, this lion doesn’t want to be trapped in a confined space with its own piss and shit, you decide to moan about wasting your £20 admission fee.

Why are they so difficult to spot?

You went to the reptile house and couldn’t see the chameleon? Well, some animals’ whole schtick is that they are extremely well camouflaged. You don’t like this incredible feat of nature, though, and write a complaint letter suggesting they are spray-painted bright yellow to improve your next visit.

You have to walk for ages

Zoos are, usually, massive. This is to ensure that the animals have enough space and don’t end up pacing miserably or tearing each other to shreds. However, you’re finding the gentle stroll around tiring and would prefer it if they put all the animals in one big pit and offered you a chair to watch the ensuing carnage unfold.