Teenager determined to explain the plot of 'Mr Robot'

A 13-YEAR-OLD boy is telling everyone he encounters about TV series Mr Robot.

Stephen Malley, from Lincoln, watched the entire cyber-hacking series last Sunday when he was supposed be doing a geography project.

He told people sitting near him on the bus next day: “It’s absolutely mint. There’s these computer hackers who want to destroy all the data tapes using the central heating because the weird foreigner in the suit who watches women on the toilet is involved in a conspiracy to cover up cancer.

“I don’t want to spoil it, but there’s things that are happening in the past only they seem to be happening now because the main character is taking drugs and the Mexican who’s in jail has kidnapped his girlfriend and he is frightened of the Chinese man in the dress.”

Malley’s mother Anne said: “This is somehow worse than the week after he watched Interstellar. It’s debilitating.”

His father David added: “Some friends of ours got divorced because their 14-year-old son kept trying to explain Donnie Darko.

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Amazing qualities projected onto awful girlfriend

A MAN has met finally met the woman of his dreams by imagining she is much nicer than she is.

Tom Logan frequently describes new partner Nikki Hollis in glowing terms that cause confusion when his friends meet her and discover she is a pain in the arse.

Logan said: “Nikki is an incredibly warm person with a fantastic sense of humour. I can’t think of an example off the top of my head, but she has got a Garfield mug saying ‘I hate Mondays’.

“That’s brilliant.”

He added: “My friends look really uncomfortable when I talk about how beautiful she is. I might have to stop being friends with them if they can’t get over their jealousy.”

However, friends have cited traits such as her recounting tedious events – including having a new radiator installed – in an impenetrable wall of chatter going on for up to 20 minutes.

Donna Sheridan said: “You’d think he’d somehow pulled a combination of Florence Nightingale and Princess Leia. So I was surprised when she told me she’s got her own personal angel who watches over her.”

Hollis said: “Tom’s really into me, but unfortunately that will have no influence on my decision to chuck him quite soon in a really inappropriate way, probably just after we’ve had a romantic meal.”