TELEVISION is now just a parade of muscular posh men striding manfully out of lakes, it has been confirmed.
Following the success of BBC One’s War and Peace and Naked Posh Men in a Lake and ITV’s Grantchester: The Case of the Gratuitous Lake Scene, channel bosses have decided to broadcast purely broad-shouldered public school males emerging onto riverbanks.
A BBC spokesman said: “There will no longer be programmes as such, just a looped clip of a brooding man with tasteful body hair emerging from a body of water and picking up some sort of period costume from a tree branch.
“Viewers will be treated to a brief shot of his cock and balls.”
ITV will also featured a full schedule of tousle-haired former public school boys sploshing towards the camera, as well as comic relief in the form of Ant and Dec’s Tiny Lakeside Penises.