The Hobbit 'ripped off Willow'

PETER Jackson’s story The Hobbit is based on 80s fantasy film Willow, it has been claimed.

Experts revealed both stories are about a short person going on a quest in a quasi-medieval world populated by warriors, wizards and monsters.

Film historian Tom Logan said: “It’s obvious Peter Jackson got the basic story for The Hobbit from watching Willow.

“Even though the latter is about rescuing a baby rather than stealing a dragon’s treasure, you can see that if Willow had been a box office hit nobody would ever have heard of ‘Middle Earth’ which is just a pale imitation of whatever world Willow is set in.

“Bilbo even sounds a bit like Willow.”

“Jackson should have at least given Warwick Davis and Val Kilmer cameo roles as mismatched brigands.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Craving for health articles ‘a sign of mental deficiency’

A DESIRE to read tawdry articles about health may be a sign that your brain is not working properly, doctors have warned.

A nice cup of tea and some fear

Clinicians believe a fascination with articles about the risks of coffee and implausibly easy exercise regimes may be caused by a deficiency in the region of the brain that recognises complete bollocks.

GP Donna Sheridan said: “An increasing number of patients are coming to me with idiotic questions like ‘Can I prevent Alzheimer’s by eating more sausages?’

“It invariably emerges that they’ve been reading health articles but their brain has failed to tell them it’s clickbait dashed off by a journalist who’s been told to increase web traffic or fuck off and get a job with Plywood Monthly.

“Many victims develop an almost religious belief in the healing properties of completely ordinary foods. One man was eating 11 pounds of raw cabbage and onion a day, which can’t have been pleasant for him or the passengers in his taxi.

“Others develop a morbid fear of largely harmless substances like coffee, which will either cause a fatal heart attack or improve your memory, depending on which day of the week it is.”

Dr Sheridan now believes health articles may somehow cause brain damage, because there was no other explanation for people believing that doing a few stretching exercises at your desk is a substitute for actually keeping fit.

Office worker Tom Logan said: “I read loads of health articles and I’ve never felt better, apart from living in constant crippling terror of dying from margarine, gluten or dust mites.”