The six biggest TV twists that you didn’t get and had to Google

WOAH, what just happened? No, seriously what happened, because there’s dramatic music but you have no clue. These twists sent you straight to your phone to find out: 

Line of Duty

Wait, who? And what crime were they even investigating at this point? A whole nation said ‘uh?’ to the revelation of who the final bent copper was, assuming he was H then Googling to find out there was no H, or they were all H, or whatever as you tried to figure out if you’d ever seen him before.

Westworld

You mean, that guy was a robot this whole time? But you thought he was a robot already. Or that he was dead. Or a flashback. Or a robot, and dead, in a flashback. And Wikipedia doesn’t help because it assumes you can be arsed to read the whole thing when the robots are shooting again.

Anything superhero-related

Did that last shot hint at the return of Blue Beetle? And that he has finally been united with his predecessor’s mystical scarab? Spend an hour picking through some internet forum to catch up on the original 1964 comic and eventually you might say, ‘Oh. Okay then’.

Bodyguard

Never has a show left you more gobsmacked then searching online to see just why you should be gobsmacked. All the internet theorists were proved wrong by a twist that chose ‘difficult to spot’ over ‘dramatically satisfying’. All the internet theories were better.

Twin Peaks

It’s hard to upend everything the viewer knows when they don’t have a f**king scooby. Viewers trying to piece together a narrative were baffled when a black-and-white episode featured atomic bomb tests and a frog crawls into a woman’s mouth. You’ll get it if you watch a two-hour explanation on YouTube.

Black Mirror

Okay, you think you get the twist that these characters think they command technology but it commands them, and the message is that we no longer have independent thought and rely on a digital collective consciousness for everything. Better Google it just to make sure.

The Daily Mash in your inbox
privacy

How to have a great evening watching England f**k it up

LOOKING forward to the big match, but realistically it’s the Germans? Here’s how to have a great night in the face of inevitable disappointment: 

Put valium out with your nibbles

Pizza slices, potato wedges and Kettle Chips are great nibbles to watch the football with, but why not put out a complimentary bowl of valium? When the final goal’s scored in the four-nil loss you’ll be emotionally dead to the outcome.

Have excuses ready

If England lose, it’ll be because they’re crap. Ignore this and focus on minor events such as a missed early chance or a sly foul. Pile up enough and it’ll be as if England actually won in a parallel and morally balanced universe, just like in ’96, ’02 and ’18.

Get wrecked

A few beers go brilliantly with a great football match. This isn’t going to be one of those. Substitute a couple of litres of vodka instead. Being barely conscious will really take the edge off the loss, but remember not to drunkenly blurt out that getting married was a terrible mistake.

Mention the war

England beat Germany in 1966, but we had many other victories before that: the Battle of Britain, the sinking of the Tirpitz, Rommel’s defeat in North Africa, or Amiens. Despite this being irrelevant to a football match a century later, expect widespread agreement.

Put £300 on Germany

Smile through the tears by letting naked greed overwhelm your patriotism, like a Tory would. Any setback for England or unfair decision will have you grinning in reluctant admiration as you stand to clear a grand.

Invite a male friend who will cry like a six-year-old girl

Pathetically, such people exist and you know one. The mortifying sight of a grown man sobbing over a football match will give you a sense of perspective and take your mind off England’s defeat as you surreptitiously livestream him on WhatsApp.