A MAN who has discovered a positive test on the side of the bathroom sink is really hoping it is for Covid-19.
Martin Bishop came across the test while going for a piss five minutes ago, and has been panicking that his girlfriend might not have a debilitating illness ever since.
He said: “If it’s a positive Covid test, that’s bad news. In the immediate moment. But long-term it’s better than at least one possible alternative.
“I’ve worked out the maths on this. We can afford to self-isolate, we can claim £500 from the government, we’d still have more hand sanitiser than we could possibly need. We’ll watch a box-set, it might even be fun.
“But if it’s the other thing that’s our lives hugely disrupted for the next five years, managing on one salary, massive bills and of course the knock-on effect on our mental health. So I think maybe Covid’s the better decision at the moment.
“God, I hope I go out there and she tells me that little solid line means she’s got some very bad news. That would be the absolute best possible outcome in this situation.”