Things cannot be dumbed down any further, warn experts

CULTURE is reaching a point of maximum dumbness, it has been claimed.

Researchers warned it will soon be impossible to dumb down news and entertainment media any further.

Dr Julian Cook said: “Most television is about cooking, rutting, the paranormal or poor people having arguments. The news is just opinions punctuated with pictures of ‘extreme weather’.

“The only books being published are ghost-written celebrity biographies or thrillers about serial killers called things like ‘The Face Collector’. Apart from that people just read lists of ’10 facts about muscle growth’ off websites.

“The problem is that although our culture cannot get any stupider, human intelligence may continue on its downward trajectory.

“The result will be a world in which nobody understands anything. Even a film about The Rock driving a jeep into explosions will leave viewers confused and angry at its pretentiousness.”

However TV channel boss Mary Fisher said: “Don’t worry, I’ve just commissioned Jamie & Jimmy’s Paranormal Antique Sex Auction.

“And I’m confident we can go even lower. We must keep striving to find new depths of idiocy.”

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Craft ale pub has 988 very similar types of beer

AN East London ‘craft ale’ pub offers almost a thousand largely indistinguishable artisan beers.

The on-trend hostelry, which has its own micro-brewery and is run by young men with tattoos, boasts of having the most bewildering selection of similar ales in the capital.

Landlord Tom Booker said: “Thanks to our commitment to traditional brewing techniques, we’ve been able to develop a massive range of ales going from light brown to slightly darker brown.

“They all taste of beer but in a very slightly different way.

“Boring corporate pubs only offer four or five types of pint. That’s not enough choice to make the ordering process really long-winded.”

Customer Emma Bradford said: “I like how you can try a small sample, before nodding knowledgeably as if you can tell ‘Hoxton Sky’ from ‘Butcher’s Hook’.

“Actually I just go for the one that has the most colourful label.”

28-year-old Wayne Hayes said: “When I’m with friends I recommend ‘Soldier’s Arm’ and ‘Terrier’, for no other reason than it makes me look like I know something about something.”