TV pays tribute to Matthew Perry with rare Friends repeat

TV channels are paying their respects following the tragic loss of Matthew Perry with a once-in-a-lifetime repeat of Friends.

Networks the world over have cleared their scheduled programming to make room for an unprecedented back-to-back run of Friends repeats in memory of the star.

A Sky spokesperson said: “We don’t usually like to repeat sitcoms. But, today of all days, it felt like we should make a worthy exception.

“Digging out the episodes from the archive was a bit of a mission. We thought they’d been wiped, because when would we ever need them again? But eventually we cracked a vault that hadn’t been opened since 2006, blew the dust off and there they were.

“For fans this is the chance to see episodes they’ve only ever read about. It will be weird for them, seeing those 90s fashions and haircuts for the first time, but we hope they’ll be able to look past the jarring unfamiliarity and enjoy Perry’s performances.

“And for the first time we’re repeating not just one episode but whole seasons. There are fans out there who have no idea how Chandler and Monica even got together. This is their one chance to find out.”

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Pretentious middle-class family to celebrate Samhain instead

A MIDDLE-CLASS family has rejected celebrating Halloween in favour of the ancient pagan festival of Samhain. 

Tom and Emma Booker are ostentiously eschewing commercialised festivities in favour of a centuries-old tradition they first heard of while staying in a friend’s cottage in Ireland last week.

Emma said: “Halloween doesn’t really work for us because the children are sugar intolerant and our neighbours have such long driveways. This is much better.

“We learned about Samhain, yes that’s how it’s pronounced, when the Gaelic people say the spirits and the dead walk abroad, and we thought that’s much more us and doesn’t make it look like we patronise B&M.

“We’ll gather around the John Lewis firepit, enjoy Celtic delicacies, bid fond morrow to the harvest season then go out guising, which is a marvellous tradition of going from house to house in masks and asking for sweetmeats not to commit mischief.

“It’s so sad such traditions are being lost in a deluge of Americanism. Tom’s hollowing out a mangel wurzel to use as a lantern. It’s so much more authentic.”

Five-year-old Ethan said: “Because I have been denied Halloween, I will spend my teens and 20s as a goth.”