Monday, 19th April 2021

TV shows they wouldn't make nowadays, according to a gammon

BACK in the old days? That was proper telly mate. Everyone’s too afraid of the woke mafiarti to make shows like these anymore, and you should be hypothetically furious: 

Till Death Us Do Part

Alf Garnett? Saying what people were thinking, but what’s clever is that the joke was on him. He had a lot to say about what made Britain great, namely West Ham and women knowing their place, but they took the piss out of him so subtly half the audience didn’t even notice. Today they’d add a ‘trigger warning’ saying these views are ‘deeply bigoted’. Cowards.

The Good Life

A TV show poking fun at do-gooder hippies? The BBC wouldn’t dare offend their core demographic by making a show like this today. They’d probably rewrite it to be about Jeremy Corbyn and Greta Thunberg living together on an allotment ‘saving the world’ by selling blueberry jam. Disgusting.

‘Allo! ‘Allo!

Everything on telly’s got to be in Scandinavian nowadays so the liberal elite feel clever. The simple, brilliant concept of a man speaking English with a French accent would go completely over their heads, as would subtle humour about horny Nazis and ladies getting their kit off. Nowadays you’d be thrown in jail for even suggesting a show like this.

Blind Date

Cilla Black would be rolling in her grave at today’s dating shows. The LGBTQ brigade would ride roughshod over this classic heterosexual matchmaking format, transforming it into a perversity like the sickening Naked Attraction where I accidentally saw a man’s tadger.

Gladiators

Leftie snowflakes would be up in arms about health and safety in Gladiators, where contestants were put in genuine life-threatening danger week to week. And if they did, feminists would no doubt moan that Jet’s outfits were too skimpy, while having nothing to say about the outrageous bulge in Wolf’s leotard. The hypocrisy would be staggering and I’m furious just imagining it.