THINK you’re an amazing singer who smashes it at karaoke? Prepare to realise how shit you actually are when you attempt these classics.
Don’t Stop Believin’ – Journey
There’s only so far exaggerated fist pumps can get you before your profound lack of singing ability is laid bare. Your gesticulations will get ever more frantic throughout this rock tour de force as you witness the faces of your fellow patrons turn from sympathetic encouragement to horrified embarrassment.
Listen – Beyoncé
This ballad requires the kind of pipes reserved for frighteningly talented singers like Beyoncé, as it is essentially very loud shouting in tune. To perform it requires lung power that, after two bottles of red wine and an entire packet of Embassy, you simply don’t possess. Expect to black out at some point during the third or fourth chorus.
Under Pressure – Queen & David Bowie
Do you have the vocal range of Freddie Mercury, a famously gifted singer and entertainer? No, but have you had eight shots of Sambuca and lost all inhibitions and common sense? Unfortunately for you and those within earshot, yes. Yes you have.
Islands in the Stream – Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton
One of the most romantic songs of all time, and it is being hatcheted apart by you and Neil from accounts awkwardly attempting to duet during your annual office night out. Colleagues will later tell you your performance sounded like two bedraggled alley cats fighting over an old kebab. But you won’t tell them about the snog you and Neil shared by the bins behind the pub afterwards.
Come On Eileen – Dexy’s Midnight Runners
Are you ready for all the lads in your karaoke bar to go absolutely ballistic and shower everyone with low-quality, warm lager? Almost certainly not, but as soon as this song comes on, expect them to be standing on the chairs and confusing ‘singing along’ with ‘yelling the lyrics as loud as possible’.
