Thursday, 6th May 2021

Vinyl album still in shrinkwrap four years after purchase wondering what the f**k's going on

A VINYL LP that has languished unopened since being bought by a nerdy record collector is wondering if it will ever be taken out of its sleeve.

Martin Bishop bought the special edition of Neil Young’s album Live Rust in 2017 from an independent record store, but like all his records has simply filed it in strict alphabetical order in his study.

The LP said: “When Martin pulled me out of the rack four years ago, I was as happy as a puppy chosen from a dog sanctuary, all excited about my new home and the many hours of fun my new owner would have playing me.

“You can understand my dismay when months went by and I hadn’t been taken out once. It’s not like he’s gone off music. We see him at his computer listening to Spotify nearly every day. 

“Me and all the other records can’t understand why he bought us in the first place. Are we the victims of some weird vinyl fetish? It’s creepy if you ask me.” 

Bishop said: “Vinyl is how music’s meant to enjoyed – by spending hours categorising your records in an anally retentive way and then looking at them.”