Who is Britain’s most tediously reactionary rock star?

From Jimmy Page supporting the Tories to Queen playing South Africa to Eric Clapton ranting about immigrants, rebellious rockers have always been rabid reactionaries. But who is the most wearily attention-seeking contrarian of today?

Morrissey’s remarks about the UKIP leadership election being rigged against the anti-Islamic candidate and enthusiastic backing of Brexit mean he will not be happy until colour TV is abolished and the UK is paved over with cobblestones from a 1964 episode of Coronation Street.

Noel Gallagher was mug enough to suck up to Tony Blair back in ’97 and remains a committed Labour far-right centrist. Having condemned both Ed Miliband and Jeremy Corbyn as ‘communists’, Gallagher has sealed his position as Britpop’s J Edgar Hoover.

John Lydon’s impressive transformation from punk radical to butter-whoring Krusty the Klown lookalike makes him one of Britain’s leading loudmouths fighting complete irrelevancy by making idiot statements from his home in LA.

Kate Bush shocked fans last year by professing her admiration for Theresa May, forging fresh links between floating around in forests ululating in a dress and hard Brexit nationalism. Only a new album will reveal whether Bush is truly journeying from white witch to white supremacy.

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Homeworker genuinely surprised to learn not everyone browses pornography while working

A HOMEWORKER has been shocked to discover that not all jobs are done while simultaneously browsing pornography. 

Nathan Muir, a freelance graphic designer, admitted he has not worked in an office since 2009 but is convinced that everyone has a background porn window these days.

He said: “You open the laptop, you check emails, you open whatever you’re working on, then you open something motivational to click on just for when you need a bit of mental downtime. You know. Girls and that.

“I’m strict, I don’t let it distract me. Softcore only before lunch. Hardcore to get me through the afternoon slump, but only picture-in-picture because I have to stay focused.

“You’re telling me that in offices, they don’t look at any looping gifs of the good stuff for eight hours straight?

“That’s not healthy.”